A Tale of Two Lies

//A Tale of Two Lies

A Tale of Two Lies

I don’t enjoy lying. It is something that I did quite a lot as a kid and it did not jive well with my poor memory. Because of that I began to lie less and less as I got older. By the end of my time in High School I was lying maybe 1% of the time. These days its far lower than that if ever. I just choose to not talk with people if I would need to lie to them. It keeps everything easier that way.

But not every lie in my life has been a bad one. Some have been very funny and today I want to talk about one of the most memorable ones and then my favorite one. The first involves the game Final Fantasy 8 and my Junior High Woodworking class.


(I like this game a whole lot.)

  I had borrowed the game from a friend of mine named Drew. I think that was the spelling…might have been Dru. Regardless he was a nice guy and he let me borrow it. I had it for a whole 24 hours and some kids in the shop class asked me how I was liking it. For the life of me I don’t know why I said it but I told them I had already beaten it. The game had been out for a week or so and apparently they had beaten it. All I know is that next they said something like “Oh yeah?! Well then what is the name of the final boss!”

Ironically I was going to say something like Ultima because of my experiences with Final Fantasy 7 and hope for the best. Instead I just bowed my head in shame and said “I don’t know.” I don’t remember what happened next but I’m sure they had a good laugh at my expense. More power to them as I was being a dumb teen.

For those of you that have never played Final Fantasy 8 you don’t know the great disappointment I felt when I reached the end of the game and found out the bosses name was Ultimecia…

She brought the hurt.

She managed to be one of the only bosses in video game history to kick my ass both in both the game and in the real world. So for that I will always have a fond spot for Final Fantasy 8. Well that, the card game, and the fact that I just adore the game. The intro video is like the ultimate action sequence for the young me. I was just lost in the visuals and the music playing. Seriously check it out.

Anyone around my age that played this probably is getting tingly the second this video starts.

This is naturally the major problem with lies. If you are not prepared or exceptionally lucky you are likely to be left looking like a fool. Everybody lies but for some reason we tend to look at those who lie to us as if that defines them. For me it is not really a matter of morality as it is convenience. Not lying is a lot like not sleeping around when you are in a relationship. You never have to worry about getting caught and that makes every day and every night so incredibly relaxing. At least as far as your personal life is concerned.

I’m having trouble writing this because the FF8 intro video is playing on my other screen and damn it is so good! Gah! Stop! Stop being so good! So good! Welp! I have to play FF8 sometime this year for Twitch…it is decided. Damn you old Square and your ability to keep me all excited! Yeah! Slash! Oh shit just got real! Feathers all over the damn place and montage time!

Woops alright I’m back.

The next lie was one that I have always adored and these days I’d probably still tell it. It involves the game Pokémon and one of the most iconic Pokémon of all time.


You wouldn’t think that one of my fondest memories would be about Magikarp. After all he is basically the whipping boy of the video game world. A creature that learns basically nothing useful and has some of the lowest stats in every generation. Magikarp is famous largely because of his primary move: Splash


I used to tell my friends that Splash had a secret power. If you splashed there was a chance – however small – of it instantly killing your opponent. The best part of this lie is that it spread through my neighborhood like a pot habit (seriously it seemed like everyone in that place smoked weed). My friends not only believed it but they started telling me they had done it. That might have been the pot talking but it was fantastic.

I remember thinking after a while that maybe I wasn’t blowing hot air and that perhaps it really did happen! Turns out that no it doesn’t. But I’ll be damned if I worked for Game Freaks I would love to add it as an Easter egg.


(I don’t even…)

By | 2013-08-03T23:17:22+00:00 August 3rd, 2013|Journal|Comments Off on A Tale of Two Lies