Journal

Fiber, Flubber, and Mr. Ninja Poo


I have two stories about my day, both in a way related to the bathroom. The first was a foray into chemistry that delighted and disgusted me. For those of us that need more fiber in our diet there are multiple options, eating fruits, eating vegetables, supplements, or dark ritual human sacrifice.

I’m using some of the supplements to do just that, supplement my diet. Its this orange sugary substance that presumably has more fiber than it does granules of sugar. I hope, at least, because I’d rather get my fiber before diabetes. But I digress…

Today I decided I’d try it with hot water. What could go wrong?! I put in the hot water and I started mixing, at first it seemed like nothing was going wrong. Slowly but with every greater resistance my fork began to slow. Soon I found myself not spinning the fork but instead twirling this solid gelatinous matter in the cup.

I had created an ooze that was moving much like Jell-O. It was viscous and reminded me a bit of mucus, not appetizing by any means. When I poured it into the trash (because such a thing would not go down the drain) it slid out in a long tendril and slopped onto some paper where it congealed, the total weight pushed it through the can like a brick and it slammed into the bottom with a satisfying thump.

  I’m convince that had I eaten it, because you could not drink such a thing, that it would have come back out looking exactly as it went in. I am unconvinced that any digestion could have occurred nor will I accept the notion that any other particulates could stick to something so perfectly slippery and yet remarkably dense.

Chemistry is a neat thing, I love that putting cold water in it turns it into a sandy orange drink but putting hot water into it turns it into Flubber.

  Flubber!

  Flubber was a remake. Who knew?!

The next event in my day came later in the restroom. I’m sitting there doing what you do and it is dead silent. Just me and my thoughts, I’m contemplating a story about a naval commander and their travels along the seas of Scion.

Silence carries on for a bit and my activities come to an end, I go to the sink and wash my hands and as I start drying them I hear the toilet roll twirl in the furthest stall.

They hadn’t breathed, hadn’t moved, no body sounds of any kind, just stealthing in that stall from the moment I walked in until the moment I was just about to leave. I have no idea who that was but I am absolutely astounded by their ninja poo skills.

How anyone can manage to be that quiet in the restroom is beyond me. The restroom at our building is not big at all, if someone else is in there you’ll hear them breathing or something. That was just magic.

To you Mr. Ninja Poo, I salute you. You are a master of the craft and truly an inspiration.