I am getting so tired. I sometimes forget why I don’t interact with other human beings anymore. I’ve regressed from Facebook, Reddit, IMGUR, and most of the video game websites. You might think I’m suffering from some kind of degenerative disorder and that this is leading to an ever worsening introversion. But I’m arguably lucky that this is not actually the case.
I like to talk about everything. Big or small I like to approach any topic with a level head and try to understand, to the best of my abilities, where both sides are coming from. Sometimes I find this very difficult and other times I find it not to be so. I like to try and put things into perspective. When someone says there are a hundred murders in their state per year I point out that there are 7 million people living there.
There isn’t really a single topic that I feel like is off limits. There isn’t any sort of conversational piece that I am so emotionally attached to that I would snap at you if you brought it up in a negative light.
Turns out that this isn’t true for basically anyone else on the internet and I’m just tired. I’m tired of people mentioning a topic and misconstruing my interest as some kind of quality judgment on their person or beliefs. I’m tired of being told I’m pretentious, or lack empathy, or any other of a number of colorful ways to say I’m an asshole.
I don’t know when it happened, I don’t know when other people left me behind. There is a large portion of my life where I could talk to people about literally anything and we’d all laugh and work it out. Terrorist attacks, video games, food choices, injustice, what have you. It was serious but at the end of the day our goal wasn’t to “win” but to understand the situation better.
When I think of an argument I think of what most people would just call “a discussion”. It’s an interaction between two parties who have the common goal of better understanding the views of their counter. But that changed, I’m guessing it changed for the worst around the time Bush was elected and hyper partisanship started to roar upwards.
But it changed and I was certainly left behind. I don’t even know if I would ever want to be a part of that either. I don’t know if I want to look at other people as the enemy. For me it seems all the better to look at people as people, fortunate or unfortunate, and to see how better to make those who are unfortunate better off.
I’m not playing the victim either. I don’t feel like I am a victim. I’m just tired. I don’t think I’ll be reaching out to discuss things with people anymore. I’m just going to keep abreast of things and talk about them here. If someone comes along and they want to chat about it, cool. But I’m not going to waste my time anymore.
How hard is it to see a rose as a rose? Why must people try so hard to wring blood from a stone? Ironically I can already see how this will ultimately be misconstrued as well. But as of this day I am officially done putting myself in a position where people can try to make a villain out of curiosity.
I realize as I write this that I never have this problem in person. If it were there as well I’d think to myself “maybe it is me?” But it isn’t, I never have this problem with people in person. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice it as a kid because I was spending most of my time debating things in person. In High School and College it was mostly in person. And so on. Every little bit of drama and hyperbole in my life seems to stem from the internet and its endless sea of antagonism.
The internet has enough warriors, it doesn’t need another.
If you find yourself interested in what I’ve already been doing here, nothing will change. I’m just giving up the rest of the internet, more or less. Done with being tired.