Well then, I should just resign myself to being very unmotivated for a bit. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised seeing how poorly I handle pain. I believe I’m about halfway through the antibiotics and I’m not entirely sure it is helping. Overall my symptoms do appear to have migrated down to a single area but it leaves me wondering.
Did it take too long to find the problem? Have I even found the problem? In the case of scarring of organ tissue is this a pain that I’ll be feeling the rest of my life? How would I feel about that if it were the case? The VLog Brothers have mentioned this situation before and called it “The New Normal”. You are given a choice in your life where you look at your new life compared to your old life and realize that the old normal is gone, you must accept the new normal because it is now the reality you live in.
I’m unconvinced of course, I will do anything I can to get rid of this. If the doctor says a shot through the abdomen would fix me right up I’ll be lining up to take a nice big needle. I would prefer that not be the case but I’m not going to fool around with a sore lower abdomen for the rest of my life.
Vacation is approaching ever closer and I’m pretty excited for it. I had hoped I wouldn’t be in pain for it but that is looking incredibly unlikely. But what can you do? For now I’m dealing with work and some localization work on a game called “Ecol Tactics”. I’m very happy with the results of my work and am looking forward to finishing it (it’s 70.3% done at this time). As for my own game it has left me less happy, between illnesses among basically everyone involved with it and just the general negativity the project produces I think I’m hitting the end of my patience.
On the horizon is at least one more project for me and I’m quite looking forward to it. More news to come when it gets closer. After that I don’t know. There is a big dark area in my future where I’m not sure what is happening anymore. I’m not scared of that, but I do find it a bit annoying. I was hoping I’d be more certain where things were going by this age, I realize I’m still young but overall I haven’t hit many times like this. I haven’t found myself sitting wondering what I’ll be saying 12 months from now.
There are so many wildcards in my life that its just entirely unpredictable. Each day feels a bit like a gamble and I wonder if I’ll be leaving the table rich or bust. At the very least I’m happy that I can count on my family for support, the kitties and Liz have been endlessly loving and helpful.
It’s important to have perspective, we can too easily get lost in the little details and never genuinely appreciate what we have. Every time I’m hit with a dull (or worse piercing) throb I lose sight of things, my thoughts become muddled and worthless. Over time it washes away and clarity returns but the highs and lows are really working on me mentally.
I’d like to think this website is a strong indicator of my mental health. The more I’m able to update the healthier I am in mind, these dark zones have certainly been indicative of a serious collapse in my mental resolve.