I think from time to time, when I’m feeling extra grumpy, feeling a few decades older than I actually am that I’ll post what I like to call a “Rico the Grumpguin” talking about what makes or is making me grumpy. These are basically “rants”. These are extremely loosely written, they’ll likely be written when I’m tired, sick, or sick and tired. So feel free to skip any of these when you see them.
Firstly I’ve had a sore throat for days now. Why? Well quite simply I fell asleep on my back a few nights back and my nose leaked into my throat. My nose is basically a bastard, an added change to my face that does little more than break out and clog. It does these things in no particular order and sometimes likes to do them at the same time en masse. It’s existence is little more than to a blight in my life and I have never had a moment where I thought “Oh thank the heavens…I can breath through my nose.” It is such an unlikely scenario that I feel I merely gave up on the hopes of such a thing long long ago.
So with throat raw, swallowing endless, and head aching I start thinking about part two of what makes me grumpy. Now honestly, Marriage for me will be extremely easy. I have been with the same person, if you can call her such and not be downplaying the awesome that is she, because I can be upset with a person, I can indeed hate a person, I can go so far as to not care if a person ceases to exist. But she is something of wonder and her very existence in my life makes it all survivable and complete. Marrying her is merely putting a legal stamp upon something that I had known from the second I was afraid to say “I love you.” Why afraid you might ask? Every single person I was not related to that I told those simple 3 words left me almost immediately (There is 0 hyperbole in that). The fear of losing her gripped my heart tightly and threatened to kill me outright.
So yes, marrying her is easy and the entire idea of a long life with her is not something I question at any point, during any second, of any day. It is actually something trivial that is on my mind daily, bothering me like a fly that thinks you are hiding sweets from it. The Dancing, it is something that I don’t often do when not involved with a dance mat that has arrows. When we took dancing in college I had a not-so-small shit fit every time the teacher forced us to dance with others.
“It will teach you to be a good dancer with everyone.” They’d say.
“I’m not here to learn how to dance with everyone. I’m here to dance with her.” I’d say.
Invariably I’d end up having to dance with one of the teachers so they could show me how “To do it right.” and I’d be grumpy but at least the situation was “educational”.
So I’m dreading the dancing, not with Liz, that’ll be fine and I’ll enjoy that quite a lot. But the “Money Dance” is something that hasn’t interested me from the second I heard about it. Not only will I likely be dancing with people I don’t want to dance with (no offense, you are all wonderful people, it’s a psychological thing. I didn’t start playing DND and Pokémon because I liked human contact) but they’ll be paying which puts a whole extra level of tension in it for me.
Plus frankly who the hell pays to dance with me? I’m not exactly a suave bastard, I know if I was a girl (or a gent who likes other gents) I’d sure as hell not want to dance with me.
Also I can see, in my mind’s eye, that cliché that takes place at every wedding. You might ask “Every Wedding Mike?” and I’d respond resolutely “Yes every wedding.” Where some little kid, generally small enough to stand on your feet without causing any discomfort, dances with either the Bride or the Groom.
Maybe the grumpy old part of me is just a cold, heartless bastard. I don’t really know what is up with it but I just can’t stand that. “It’s cute! :3.” Folks in my head are instantly retorting. But for me it isn’t, it just compounds something I don’t like doing with something else that I often don’t understand.
I don’t quite know why but children really like me. Me on the other hand, I don’t hate children, but I certainly don’t go out of my way to make contact. Maybe I got overdosed on Kids when I was younger…(How many nieces and nephews do I have at this point)?
Looking forward to seeing people, looking forward to the ceremony, the dancing with Liz, the Cake, the conversing afterwards and even excited for the photos. But if the other stuff I mentioned above were to suddenly vanish from existence it would only do to calm my mind. I suppose doing something as extroverted as getting married isn’t good for someone who is (when set to: Default) introverted. My mind unfurls in words upon a page and not so much off the tongue.
Chances are good that it’ll all be much less painful than I’m envisioning, because generally speaking (if you don’t count my knees), everything ends up being less painful than I expect. Time for me to go take an early nap, maybe when my nose is cleared up I won’t be such a grumpy a-hole.