WordPress broke my comments section a little bit again with its most recent update. Normally I’d say that was highly disappointing but I’m much more relaxed than usual. I’ve had a headache for most of today because of a coughing fit earlier this morning but even that doesn’t appear to have soured my mood. I was trying to think of why this was the case, what was it about my life that has changed to where these things don’t have much impact on me.
What is it that has sort of turned me into a toned down version of Jeff Bridges?
I just had a virgin white Russian in a similarly designed small glass. I think they just call that “milk” though.
I think it is detoxification. When people think of toxins they probably think of lead, mercury, cesium-112, or some other kind of chemical that does a number on your system. There is a lesser known toxin created by capitalism, well really created by most failed job environments. Stress is obviously what I’m talking about, if it wasn’t already obvious. In the animal kingdom stress is incredibly important. Stress has an incredible impact on your nervous system, your digestion, your brain, and basically everything important you can think of. Since I’m not an expert on the topic lets take a break with a short video on the topic.
Obviously I know the answer to this question. I had explained to my previous colleagues that the business we worked at had been dead for almost a year now. There is the old adage about beating a dead horse, I feel like our entire crew was (or is for those still there) trying to ride atop a dead horse. It had not yet been dead so long that the carrion flooded your senses, to the untrained eye it could have been mistaken for merely a sleeping horse.
But she (or he) was long dead however and I believe that in death what snuck in was disease. A toxin that leached into our systems and was slowly killing us all. For me the pain was very literal and very frightening. I thought I was dying, that I had cancer or some kind of autoimmune disease. Every part of me was shutting down, my digestion was not working, my organs were aching, my emotions were unstable. If there was a part of me that was working I am at a loss for what it was, pain receptors I suppose.
Since I left last Friday I have been feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. My skin feels lighter as if it were made of clouds. My mind is still a bit foggy but considerably less so with each passing day. I feel like my brain is working overtime trying to clear the detritus that had built up. I can barely remember the face of the man that ruined everything I worked for.
That’s a good thing too. He was wasting my neurons.
I’m wondering how long it will be, if it will be, before the various physiological damage of my last job will heal. I’ve seen what my upcoming job tasks are and I’m incredibly excited. While I can’t discuss them I will say that they are immeasurably more engaging and exciting than what was going on before.
It will be interesting to see how I take to life driving in the fast lane (or busy lane, as it were).