I’ll start off today’s point with a short conversation at the end of a rather epic cold war MTG game. (In the end I won pretty hardcore, but for about an hour and a half we basically just kept building up and tearing down one another’s armies with nobody attacking). I was playing Zedruu, one of my favorite cards.
Me: Today you have learned that you can’t trust a woman.
B: Oh? So you are saying you a woman?
Me: No, I am playing Zedruu and Zedruu is a woman.
B: Ah. Well then I’ll tell Liz how you feel about Women.
Me: Liz is different.
B: What? Not a woman?
Me: No, obviously your wife is different. If she was not different you wouldn’t have married her. You would have married someone else.
B: Oh… That’s true.
Now obviously I was joking about women, ladies are nice and I have no complaints. In most (maybe all) situations between me and women the problem is me. So we’ll move onto the crux of the conversation, that crux wasn’t B’s inability to talk for 5 seconds without being a smartass (it’s a clinical condition) but instead a thought he’d never thought before.
Your spouse, or your dear friend, that person you spend your time with, they are different than other people. I don’t mean in the poetic way, I mean in the most obvious and literal way. Nobody sets out in life to find someone average, to find a person with average beliefs and average looks. We want someone a little bit different, we want someone that stands out in some ways.
For some people its larger busts, for others a brilliant mind, for others still a habit or hobby that they want to share. We don’t want one of a dandelions, we want that rose.
Jokes or serious comments you might make about faiths, genders, or whatever else that might include your spouse should not (in theory) apply to them. They aren’t part of the blankets that you stretch out in life, they are a unique ball of wool.
I bet that is really what leads to divorce. Because if you are with someone who is merely average there is no real reason to be married or long term. All you’ve done is given your life the exact same thing you could get with basically anyone and limited yourself to them only. It is all negatives without any real emotional or physical perks.
Obviously we all share certain traits and we all are “special” but I don’t mean the person is objectively different than all other people, I mean that to you they are different. They spark triggers in your brain that nobody else you’ve met does. If they can’t manage to overwhelm those sparks any better than other people you meet, then you probably haven’t met the right person for a long term relationship.
That’s not bad, I wouldn’t look down on people who break up. I would say enjoy what you have until you don’t have it anymore, but don’t hurt yourself and try to lie to yourself. If you happen to stumble across a different person, be joyous, but until you do (or maybe even if you never do) don’t worry about it.
I’ve never Greco roman wrestled a crocodile, we all only live for so long and can only experience so much. There is no reason to be obsessed with what we haven’t done, enjoy what you do and do all that you can. Spend more time in the moments rather than pining for moments that may never be.