This is a family reunion, I don’t attend many of those either. The experience is interesting since this is the family I married into instead of was born into. You would think that family you choose to be a part of would feel more familiar than the one you are designated but for most people I suspect this is not the case. It’s not terrible, I can be a sociable person but it requires that I share common interests with the individuals I am around. When I find myself around 30 or so people and for the most part we are all very different it becomes more awkward for me.
As I’ve mentioned before I’m fairly good at offending people while being somewhat more difficult to offend. This creates a very complicated social environment for me where I need to think deeply about any interaction. When you need to think deeply to do something it becomes far less likely to be something you do actively and spontaneously, by necessity.
Another interesting observation is that the older people get the more they talk about death and disease. I’ve heard more on this trip about cancer, death, dying, or the fear of these things than I have in a year on Reddit. I didn’t think that was possible given how much people like to try and “scare” one another there. I’m not fond of conversations of death or dying because its not an outcome I’m particularly agreeable with. Death is a fools errand and I’d rather not make that journey.
We’ll be here for a while more, there is even a 6 hour drive ahead of us. It would be supremely misleading to call this a vacation, I’m not bitter but the anxiety of the entire endeavor has left me mostly tattered internally. I’m feeling a familiar demon in my gut that threatens to ruin any appetite I’ll have for the rest of this week.
I’m far too serious a person. Conversations around me take things like sleeping at the wheel to be humorous and good natured but I find them mortifying. “I only text a little bit when I drive.” lines leave me making the physical equivalent of “:/”. I guess I lost that thing, that thing where you just laugh off things that your family says. Boring perhaps? I’d describe myself as boring. Fun people are able to laugh at more things spontaneously, they don’t have a “stick up their ass” as it were. I do though, I don’t normally notice it because I’m around a comfortable environment filled with similar people. My coworkers are largely the same demographic as me, my daily family is agreeable and completely conflict free, and I suppose I’d say of the people who would identify as my friends I have none that give me grief.
It would appear that I live a life so remarkably devoid of conflict (minus some obvious work squabbles) that I have become rather poor at handling it when it comes en masse. Truth be told I find that news to be a bit funny, would laugh but then my father-in-law might wonder just what on Earth I’m talking about.
Not sure if or when I’ll update again this week. I may talk about the humor of the TSA sometime before I meet them again. I’ve never seen quite so many security holes in such a short period of time.