Dirty Peeving Liars

//Dirty Peeving Liars

Dirty Peeving Liars

  We all have our peeves, those things that drive us nuts and for a moment make us wish that someone or something would just vanish from existence. They aren’t all very reasonable and some don’t even qualify as rational, and I don’t know where mine fall nor do I really care. I do care in the broad sense but not in terms of what drives me mad, and I’d like to go over a few things.


The irony (or hypocrisy depending on how you look at it) of this post may be pretty thick for the observant readers out there but bear with me.

  The first thing on this list (which might not be very long, we may end at two) is small talk. I’ve almost always been terrible at it and it is something that I hate with a deep passion. Hate might be a strong word in most cases but I honestly and deeply hate small talk. I would work harder to avoid small talk than I would driving through Oakland. Mostly because if you drive fast enough you can almost mistake that city for somewhere livable.

  I’m not qualifying anything that comes next to mean that one type of discussion is better than the other nor am I implying that I am somehow better than people who enjoy small talk, but I’ll be damned if I don’t feel like there is no way for me to write this without it kind of accidentally sounding like that. Just understand that this isn’t an issue of empirical superiority, its not objective, its my own personal relation with these two elements of human discourse.

  I can’t just talk, I don’t really care what your friends said to you, I don’t care what your sister did, I really don’t care that X gossip happened to Y people at Z location. Meaningless banter is so beneath my level of interest. Who cares? I sure as hell don’t. Celebrity gossip is bad enough, but personal gossip is just two degrees of separation too far from my circle of concentration. Want to discuss politics, science, ideas, how things work? I’m down with this. In some cases even if we disagree I’ll still be happy to talk (more on that later).

  Do you believe in god? Awesome, want to chat about it? Cool. As long as you are happy discussing I’m happy to listen and I’d love to give some input back. I like these things, I feel like they lead to progression and growth (did he just say the same thing twice, I think so). But if you are feeling the urge to tell me that your sister might be sleeping with the plumber, dear god, just forget I exist.

  How do people do it? I know the theory behind why it exists, or at least I feel I do, that in the long long ago we were predisposed to gossip because that was how people kept informed and how tribes stayed strong enough to manage life and the trials of pre-civilization (oh what a smug concept that might seem).

  This is why I hate phones. When is the last time you have had an intelligent conversation on the phone? I’ve talked on the phone with dozens upon dozens of people over the course of my life and I’d say there have only been three separate people who have ever said anything of value to me on the phone. The rest is this really obnoxious small talk that leaves me wishing I could just hang up the damn phone. My god, how did we reach this point, how did this person make me want them to suddenly lose their voice?

  I like them, I know that much, but I am about to explode over something so trivial.

  I really don’t care and I can’t for the life of me see how anyone would. The only reason I liked listening to gossip in high school was because it helped me to understand people better. I had a good grasp of who was doing what and for those that wanted to talk I had a great understanding of their underlying mechanics. I had data, I had something interesting to work with. I think the major variable here was that I was surrounded by the topic at hand, there were hundreds of other people at that school all interacting in this hive-like design. It was fascinating to peel back the top layer of the nest and see just what was making it all tick.

  But hearing what someone is doing a thousand miles away? Or even just a hundred miles or merely ten miles away.

  Oh heavens no, please just take your coffee and sit far far from me.

  The next thing on my list is blind faith.


My brain hurts…so much stupid in one image.

  I get it, we all have those moments, you think you understand something and you take it with you. You remember that whole sagging thing that went around? “Lol! They are getting butt sex and when you sag that means you like butt sex! Hah! I love it!” Except that’s just a petty fabrication. I tried to nicely correct a recent internet goer that they were spreading a lie and was met with “That snopes is about backwards saggin’ totally different.”

  Wow? Really. How hard does the brain twist just to keep itself complacent and comfortable? Biologically I get the danger of being wrong, doubt can lead to hesitation which can lead to death in a make or break moment. However these moments are extremely rare in the western world.

  As Cecil joked on the topic of Chem/Con-Trails “I tell you, these days it’s hard to keep up. Even I, world’s smartest human, was only vaguely aware of the contrail menace. Not anymore, boy. If you thought fluoridated water was bad, wait till you get a load of this.”

  The science behind those trails you see in the sky is so simple that you could literally explain it to a child. Pick just about any speaking age and it wouldn’t be all that hard to explain. It would be a bit oversimplified but “It makes frost in the sky, cause its very cold up there.” Ever taken a flight? I’ve taken a few (as you probably know) and in between thinking about just how terrible air travel has become I notice frost building on the windows of the craft.

  What I don’t like most about these people is they never truly believe their bullshit. They believe it just enough to spread it but they’d never take it the full mile. You think the government is turning you retarded or controlling your mind? Then move out of the country. Oh? You aren’t, then shut up. There is no right minded person that would ever say “Oh man, they are raping and killing everyone around here, I best just stick tight cause the jobs paying good.”

  You really think Planet X or some calendar is going to end the world? Then do the math to figure out exactly how much money you need to live from now till the end of the world and send me the rest. You don’t need it! The world is going to end, and if you really believe that you’ll send me all that money right now.

  But I don’t see money flooding into my bank account. So if you are reading this and happen to be telling people this stuff is real either send me all that excess money or shut up. That’s really the end of the discussion. Put all the chips in or none of them.

  Equally so with any apocalypse, if a person believes the rapture is coming they should send me everything of value they have. Can’t take it with them anyways, just hook me up with all that gold and diamond and I’ll lament in rivers of blood as Christ takes all the better folks up to the pearly gates.

  But I’ll be lamenting quite rich and ultimately confused how the rapture looks exactly like every other day and all those better people are still here.

  Oh well, I guess I just never understood it.

  Bonus! Lets go for a third peeve, this is a recent acquisition and one that drives me nuts. It has to do with assholes and a dash of blind faith from above. You can’t just spew bullshit and then demand the person arguing from the side of reason be the only one providing actual numbers.

  It is not the duty of reasonable and rational people to disprove psychotic rambling. If you believe in some crazy bullshit it should be your duty to come equipped with all the numbers. With the arrival of cellphones and the widespread access to the internet there is nothing stopping people from providing hard data.

  But they don’t and really it ties into the small talk at the top too even. Suppose this all is just one tightly wound Mobius strip. Stupid has the most overwhelming advantage in discourse, you have to be incredibly enlightened and have very refined critical thinking skills to even keep up with all the stupid shit flooding every crevice of the information age.

  I partly wonder if its intentional, the militant bullshit flinging is just in hopes of discouraging and confusing educated people into acting in ways that would better benefit irrational and short sighted policies. But that would be one crazy chemtrail of nonsense…

  “The minds of our young people are being poisoned by knowledge” – Stephen Colbert

By | 2012-07-22T00:24:20+00:00 July 21st, 2012|Journal|Comments Off on Dirty Peeving Liars