One of the things that I am going to have to accept is that I’m occasionally going to play games that just aren’t for me. Hammerfight easily falls under the umbrella of “I don’t get it”. I knew it might be a bit weird when I had trouble not jumping to a webpage during load. The game calibrated my mouse and the options were incredibly lacking. I know you shouldn’t judge a game by its options, indeed I might be a fool for doing so. Yet, there I was, staring at a barren wasteland hoping that this wasn’t indicative of what I was about to experience.
The world of Hammerfight does look like it would make for an interesting film. Something akin to Waterworld, for those of you that even remember that film, where all the people and environments are just silly. I’d like to tell you about the story but I must admit that it didn’t catch me. I was sitting there trying to read what was going on but it slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. Hammerfight reminds me a bit of what happens when someone reads a Dune book and then thinks they can pull off something that interesting or clever.
This is apparently a Russian made game which makes me feel like I should be a little softer on it. The review does actually take that into account and is why I’m not just slapping terrible on this game and moving on. The controls are not abhorrent necessarily, but they are certainly not ideal. This is a physics based 2D arena game. Not MOBA, mind, but an arena fight nonetheless. You are situated in a usually very small map where you fly around trying to stop flying sawblades and weird floating worms from decimating your buddies. I’m a big fan of the ridiculous and by all accounts this game should have appealed to me.
It didn’t. If you lose enough on a level the game allows you to skip onto the next but you’ll lose your gold. I don’t know what gold is for. Presumably at some point you get upgrades for your vessel like bigger better hammers, or maybe a nudie poster for the side of it. For me the gold was meaningless. It just meant I could skip a level where I had no damn clue what I was doing. Only to move onto the next level and to have my ass handed to me.
Super Meat Boy is a terribly difficult game. You die frequently and with very little downtime between those deaths. That last bit is the reason that game is not frustrating for me. I can die a hundred times in almost as many seconds with barely a blink between them. Iteration allows me to grow better very quickly. That level I ended the video on has a 10-15 second video that you cannot skip after every death.
I don’t care to see the intro to the level each time. Unskippable scenes is a sin I thought had died out many moons ago. But here I was dealing with it. Each death making me more and more annoyed. This game is rough. The music isn’t terrible. The sound effects aren’t terrible. The visuals aren’t terrible. The levels aren’t terrible. These things are all true in my opinion. But nearly every last one of them is average or bad. Which leaves us with the conclusion that my first impressions of this game are very poor.
I’d never come back to it. I might watch someone else play later levels in this game but it is largely dead to me. An experience I’d like to forget. This review is me washing my mind of it. The video of my experiences is just below.