In a post that will never see the light of day, I wrote that sometimes I feel like life is simply loosely curated chaos. In an analogy that has been beaten black and blue, there is this sense that we are all sailing across roiling waters. The rules exist but the monster they create is difficult to visualize or respond to.
The news as of late has been a mix of sadness and glee. First the fire ravaged my insides (luckily through the terrible grip of anxiety and not from the lick of flames) and then closer news to the heart terrified me until what will be tomorrow as far as this post is concerned.
I teeter back and forth between chaos and certainty, sadness and happiness. Hoping that each swing of the pendulum is one that will return me to a land glowing with the warmth of joy. I do not know how things will go, but I do hope that I can find the energy to keep active and pushing forward. For now I find it all very tiring.