The Me in the Mirror
So I went back for my follow up check at the Oral Surgeon. We momentarily discussed the amazing potency of their “light” form of local anesthesia. I went from answering the question “Do you like playing games?” or was it “Do you play games?” Something like that, I just recall the last words I said was “It’s hard to enjoy games when your job…” I immediately woke up in a totally different room, as I’ve mentioned before.
He told me that when you are under you can answer simple commands, that in fact I had walked into the other room of my other volition. He didn’t tell me if he had told me to which does elicit some level of funny visuals in my head. It got me wondering, during this whole period of time while I was in a subconscious state was I feeling pain? Was there a form of me in agony as teeth were removed from my head? I was coherent enough to respond to his commands and I was obviously there for the entire procedure.
I have a complete Amnesia of the entire event, something I’ve been trying to write about for quite some time properly. So I suppose it is a blessing in disguise. But it makes me wonder about that other me, the one that is localized to that small piece of the timeline of my life. What was he thinking at the time? Did the drugged state he was in change his feelings on anything in particular? Was this me for all intents and purposes except that I couldn’t remember anything or feel pain?
I feel somewhat like for a moment I was no longer within my own timeline. Not in the literal sense but in the emotional one. That there is this small sliver of my life that was replaced by another me entirely. It doesn’t feel quite like sleeping, even though they are the same processes. When I go to rest I can feel myself getting tired and I feel a gradual progression of events. Likewise I wake up in nearly the exact position I went to sleep.
I am a million times thankful that I wasn’t awake for the procedure. This is by no means a complaint, as mentioned before the Doctor did a job so amazing I don’t believe it could be done better. I’ve just been pondering about that other me. The one that went through the procedure, following simple commands like a drone. What thought, however simple, was floating along in his brain. I do not remember any dreams during the procedure, which may just be the reach of the drugs.
It’s probably one of my favorite and most perplexing life experiences. It is one thing to be asleep, but to think for a time I was a semi conscious zombie is fascinating. If not for the fact I’d not like to see myself butchered I would have loved to see a video.
I imagine this is not nearly as interesting to anyone out there who has never been anesthetized. I’m also told (by the surgeon) that if I haven’t drank before the feelings I felt would be alien to me. Is this perhaps what total inebriation feels like? Waking up the next day not remembering a moment of the past night. It isn’t the least bit motivating in getting me to drink but I wonder if the processes were the same.
It’s hard to shake the overwhelming feeling of seemingly traveling through space and time in a way far outside the norm.